Your Breakup Music Playlist

Breakup emotions come in waves, especially at the beginning. I am so thankful to God that he has molded a heart in me that’s so satisfied in HIM that my need to find my worth in my relationships with guys is almost no longer existent. So this last breakup went SUPER well in that I moved on fairly quickly. It helps when you find out that person wasn’t who you thought they were…there’s a sense of relief that God saved you from being with someone who isn’t honest. But this post isn’t about which breakups are easier, which are worse. They all suck. Even the breakups that “end well” and maturely aren’t fun. You let your guard down, you opened your heart, you showed affection….and it ended. That sucks.

Here are my basic recommendations to help your recovery:

  • Pray for your ex every single day. Whatever happened, it could feel like you’re either praying for your enemy or for an old friend. Pray what you feel you need to pray for them. It may be hard, but if you feel like you’re forcing yourself to pray for them, don’t wait till you feel “ready” to pray for them. You’re praying for them because you need to talk to God. About something. You need to pray for them because you need your heart to be humble and healed.
  • Pray for their new girlfriend/boyfriend every single day. This one is probably the hardest, especially if they cheated on you. But again, force yourself to because it’s literally for the greater good.
  • Pray for your own heart. For healing. For the negative or sinful emotions be emptied out and replaced by love and His grace.
  • Know that anger in itself is not a bad emotion. Maybe you’re not angry at this breakup, and I wasn’t at first until I found out I had been lied to and that my ex was emotionally cheating on me by getting to know someone else while we were still dating. I had so much anger built up, and I felt so guilty. I listened to a sermon by Tim Keller who reminded me that anger in itself is not a sin. Anger is a reaction in defense of something good. It’s the stuff that’s resulted by anger that can be sinful. So, bitterness, hatred, wishing ill-will upon someone…those are all sinful. I was glad to know that my anger was justified, so instead of praying that God remove my anger, I prayed that he’d replace any bitterness in my heart with His love and grace.

Praying sounds simple. Maybe religious. But I promise you if you do it every single day, the healing comes at a rapid rate. Do not ignore your emotions, do not distract yourself. Just process your emotions in prayer and lean deeply into Christ and your community.

In the meantime, while you’re in your car, or crying your cute little face off, there are some kick-ass playlists you can listen to depending on what stage you’re in. There’s a LOT of different genres in these playlists, so you’re bound to hear a song you love.

Click on these to get to my Spotify Playlist and follow it! Otherwise, the titles are listed below:

Stage One: Under You (click for Spotify link to playlist)

“Texas and Tennessee” by Lucero

“Baby don’t you talk no more/that look is loud enough/you don’t have to tell me how it feels not to be in love”

“You Lie” by Reba McEntire

“You lie/You don’t wanna hurt me/So you lie/Buy a little time/And I go along/What else can I do/Maybe it’s wrong/But you know how much I love you/So you lie/Till you can find a way to say goodbye”

“Hurricane Drunk” by Florence and the Machine

“I’m going out/I’m gonna drink myself to death/And in the crowd/I see you with someone else/I brace myself/Cause I know it’s going to hurt/But I like to think/At lease things can’t get any worse”

“Stay Focused” by Rising Fawn (this is God speaking to the writer)

“Whenever you fear of the pain/Oh it’s near us/I’ll keep you safe/As you breathe through the tears, Love/I know you can do this/I know you can”

“Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division

“Why is the bedroom so cold/You’ve turned away on your side/Is my timing that flawed/Our respect runs so dry”

“Here’s Looking at You, Kid” by The Gaslight Anthem

“But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes/That’ll cut you to ribbons sometimes/And all you can do is just wait by the moon/And bleed if it’s what she says you oughta do”

“Jesus Christ” by Brand New

“Do you believe you’re missing out/That everything good is happening somewhere else/But with nobody in your bed/The nights hard to get through”

“Cold Hands” by Sivu

“I will try to hold life/With love aplenty/I know sand it will slip through/I’ll do my best to hold onto you/And all these memories we share/Do you know I’ll always love you”

“Chandelier” by Sia

“I’m gonna swing/From the chandelier/I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist/Like it doesn’t exist/I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night/Feel my tears as I fly”

“Habits” by Tove Lo

“I drank up all my money/Dazed and kinda lonely/You’re gone and I gotta stay high/All the time/To keep you off my mind”

“I’m Goin’ Down” by Bruce Springsteen

“I remember back when we started/My kisses used to turn you inside out/I used to drive you to work in the morning/Friday night I’d drive you all around/You used to love to drive me wild/But lately girl you get your kicks from just driving me down”

“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” by Bob Dylan

“I ain’t saying you treated me unkind/You could have done better but I don’t mind/You just kinda wasted my precious time/But don’t think twice/It’s All Right”

“Eyes to the Wind” by War On Drugs

“I’m just a bit run down/Here at the moment/Yeah I’m all alone here/Living in darkness”

“Erase” by Copeland

“You won’t erase me/So you just color me from grey/”Hello” through the crowd/When I thought I saw your face/Ever I was searching/Endless all the days/But you didn’t know my name/Now I can’t help/This awful feeling/That I can’t erase you”

“Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine

“A falling star/Fell from your heart/And landed in my eyes/I screamed aloud/As it tore through them/And now it’s left me blind”

“Better in Time” by Leona Lewis

“See somehow I can’t forget/After all that we’ve been through/Going, Coming/Thought I heard a knock/”Who’s there?”/No one/Thinking that I deserve it/Now I realize that I didn’t know”

“You Keep Showing Up” by The Drowners

“You keep showing up/In my friends photographs/I thought that I had had enough/But I obviously hadn’t”

“Screaming Infidelities” by Dashboard Confessional

“I’m missing your laugh/How did it break?/And when did your eyes begin to look fake?/I hope you’re as happy as you’re pretending”

“Get Hurt” by The Gaslight Anthem

“And I came to get hurt/Might as well do your worst to me/Have you come here to get hurt?/Have you come to take away from me?/Might as well do your worst to me”

Stage Two: Over You (click for Spotify link to playlist)
“The Backseat” by Gaslight Anthem

“You  know the summer always brought in/That wild and reckless breeze”

“Too Tough” by Bully

“It’s like you never even wanted it/You’re just too tough to talk it out and talk about it/Only God knows just how far you will go/To be someplace we’ll never know/You’re tryna wear me down”

“Gives You Hell” by All-American Rejects

“Truth be told/I miss you/Truth be Told/I’m lyin’/When you see my face/I hope it gives you hell”

“F*ck You” by Cee-Lo Green

“I guess he’s an Xbox and I’m more Atari/But the way you play your game ain’t fair/I pity the fool/That falls in love with you”

“Ain’t Worth the Whiskey” by Cole Swindel

“I won’t waste a dime/Or the bartenders time/Trying to catch a bus/Over the thought of us/But I’ll drink to a country song/To another long work week gone/And I’ll raise my glass/To a long lost buddy I ain’t seen/I might stay for one more round/Or I might close this place down/But don’t think for a second/That I’m out to drown your memory/Baby you ain’t worth the whiskey”

“Without You” by Ingrid Michaelson

“My life will grow/My love will go/My life will go/My love will grow/Without you”

“Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift

“Now we got problems/And I don’t think we can solve them/You made a really deep cut/And baby now we got bad blood”

“Shake it Out” by Florence and the Machine

“It’s hard to dance/With the devil on your back/So shake it off”

“Best Thing I never Had” by Beyonce

“There was a time/I thought that you did everything right/No lies/No wrong/Boy I must’ve been out of my mind/So when I think of the time/That I almost loved you/You showed your ass/And I saw the real you/Thank God you blew it/Thank God I dodged the bullet/I’m so over you”

“Someone Like You” by Adele

“Never mind/I’ll find someone like you/I wish nothing but the best/For you, too”

“Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake

“I’m just another heart/In need of rescue/Waiting on love’s sweet charity/And I’m gonna hold on/For the rest of my days/Cause I know what it means/To walk along/The lonely street of dreams”

“Ring the Alarm” by Beyonce

“People told me ’bout the flames/I couldn’t see through the smoke/When I need answers, accusations/What you mean you gon’ choke/You can’t stay/You gotta go”

“Irreplaceable” by Beyonce

“So go ahead and get gone/Call up that chick/And see if she’s home/Oops I bet you thought/That I didn’t know”

“The Chain” by Ingrid Michaelson

“And if you come around again/Then I will take/Then I will take the chain/From off the door”

“Done” by The Band Perry

“Mama always told me I should play nice/She didn’t know you/When she gave me that advice/I’m through with you/You’re one bridge I’d like to burn/Bottle up the ashes/Smash the urn”

“Light Years Away” by MoZella

“It’s how you wanted it to be/It’s like you played a joke on me/And I lost a friend/In the end/And I think that I cried for days/But now that seems light years away/And I’m never going back/To who I was”

Anyway, I hope more than the songs, you pray through and process your feelings. Don’t try to stuff them away. You’re mourning a loss, you’re going through pain. That’s real. Jesus came down, and he felt what you felt. And before he left, He said He’d be with you. You’re in good hands, and one day all this crap will be made new. Glorify God through your pain, because ultimately….when we can be satisfied in Christ alone, and admit we feel pain still…people will take note.

You Don’t Deserve Forgiveness

I am going to be 30 soon, and am barely learning how to forgive. Tim Keller said, “forgiveness is a form of costly suffering.”

1Timothy 1:15:

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.

I am the worst. I don’t deserve to be apologized to. I don’t deserve to be the one who gets to fall in love. I don’t deserve to be in a happy marriage.

I don’t deserve Jesus most of all – the best thing a human being can have. The greatest relationship a human being can have. The only love in this world that actually matters, and that is eternal. I don’t deserve it.

But I have it. And I still want to punish myself. I still demand an apology for hurting me the way he did and for misleading me for that time.

I am an adult, but I am still immature enough to forget what it feels like to understand that Your love is all I need. I still forget that this world is broken and temporary.

Praying I just remind myself every day.

Grace Makes My Standards Low

We have quite the habit of preaching to girls to have high standards when finding a date.  Girls/women are encouraged to make lists and stick to them. I’ve already talked about standards and lists. Now, I’d like to tell more about how low my bar is set for men.

This is actually a really great thing. When you hear, “I have low standards” or “my bar is set pretty low,” our initial reaction is “yikes.” It’s a little weird to think about. Why is my bar set low? Is it because I’m getting old? Am I actually at a desperate time right now? I think these are valid questions to ask yourself if you start realizing you’re willing to date literally anyone who will give you attention. For me, however, it has a lot more to do with grace.

Obviously there is a lot of natural attraction that occurs between two people. I won’t go there, because it’s a different topic. Sometimes your physical standards are normal, sometimes they’re not. That’s a whole other post. Right now, let’s talk personality (because if you’re a girl, it actually has an impact on how you’re attracted to men physically).

The hilarious guy, the witty genius, the film nerd, and the hockey babe.

The hilarious guy, the witty genius, the film nerd, and the hockey babe.

People are terrible at setting me up for one huge reason: They don’t understand my “type.” First, Christian women assume that if you’re both single, both Christian, and both not hideous looking, you’ll totally get married. That’s absolutely not the case and that should end now. Secondly, I am all over the map. So I totally get it if you can’t “get my type.” If he’s super hilarious, I may become attracted to him. I had a co-worker years back that was one of the funniest guys I’d ever met. Physically, I was not attracted to him when I first met him. Eventually, though, the more he made me laugh, the more I became attracted to him. I love and cherish laughter so much. If he’s a film genius, or a passionate creative, I can easily become attracted to him – especially when we have long discussions about the subject. Does him being a Christian help? Um, obviously. That’s usually the cherry on top.

The other stuff, I feel, is covered and drenched in grace. I used to want things that would never be demanded of me by God. I am not God, so what gives me the right to demand more than He? I can simply trust that if I do get married, the man I marry will have a crap ton of flaws, but he’ll probably make me crack up till I vomit or he’ll get as excited as me to talk about some film was directed. My bar isn’t set low because I’m at a desperate point. I have definitely arrived to a point where I can say, “this guy is not my God, and this guy isn’t the answer to everything” – and I feel like that’s a weight off any guys shoulders. Don’t put that weight on them. I certainly wouldn’t want that on me.  We’re going to be a mess until Jesus comes back. In the meantime, embrace the guys who tug at your heartstrings, and give them the same grace God gives you when you mess up.

God’s Way Is Better Than The American Dream

In response to the news that I will be 29 years old on August 7th this year, it’s been met with surprise, and sometimes shock.

Nope, not because I don’t look 29. That usually gets a “Wow, you look 26” response. But I’ve been getting, “Whoa…you’re 29?….” in the most shocked and insulting tone. The kind that says, “Whoa…you don’t have your shit together…”

Seeing how I idolize what people think of me, it had me thinking. It had me believing lies. I feel shame that I am surprising people with my age. I feel embarrassed that I “don’t have my shit together.” Then I stop feeling those things. God instantly reminds me what’s a lie and what isn’t. Why am I feeling shame? Because I care what these people think more than what God thinks of me. What does God think of me? Welp, He loves me. I cannot surprise him, I don’t embarrass him. He isn’t ashamed of me, and He’s perfect. The most perfect existence isn’t ashamed of me. That is all I need to care about.

Here’s my response to this cultural BS that we all fall into. To the lies that if we don’t have the things listed below, that we are incomplete – that we haven’t made it yet.

I am nowhere near marriage. 

  • I go on dates. I haven’t been on a date in about a year, mostly because I’m not doing anything to meet new people, and I’m intentionally not making myself “available” to guys. Lately the guys who’ve asked for my number are people I have nothing in common with. I also don’t tell anyone I go on dates when I do. Why? Because frankly, it’s just a date. I don’t need to shell out the details with anyone unless it’s interesting enough to. And I don’t need to answer questions like, “Do you think you could marry him?” when I literally went on one date. Yes, that’s happened.  While I desire marriage, it’s not desired enough for me to focus on this and make it my priority. Jesus is my focus, and my priority. I don’t need to be married to know He’s my God.

I don’t have children. 

  • I have an insane amount of children in my life. I plan on adopting some of my own one day, whether I get married or not. I tend to have rescue-fever, as opposed to baby-fever. I want to adopt a zoo of kids, and have since before I was even Christian. I intend on doing that still. Yet, you’d never know. Because you don’t ask me. 

I don’t have a classic career. 

  • I have a job and I love it. I work with amazing, intelligent, and creative people. I work in retail, but it’s the best retail job I’ve ever had. I’ve worked the 9-5 office jobs. Not my thing. I actually have plans on living overseas for mission, and this job actually gives me opportunity to do that. Outside of work, I work with my best friends in a non-profit we all started. I have also been accomplishing a dream of mine, to direct a documentary. I started a production company – another dream I’ve had since I was a kid. It’s real. I have to file taxes. So, I grant you permission to release the pity you feel for me. And I recommend you replace the question, “So, are you dating anyone?” with “So what’s new with you?” instead.

I didn’t finish college. 

  • Why does it still matter that I don’t have a degree? I can name 5 people at the top of my head right now that didn’t, and are loving their life. I didn’t just not go to college because I’m lazy or something. Let’s pretend that I’m not ADHD and I actually am really good at learning things I don’t care about. Let’s pretend for a second. If you think just because you’re a minority, that you get a free pass into school, you are dead wrong. I didn’t. It’s expensive and I was never in a financial position to keep it up. I don’t care if you or your friend worked 3 jobs to pay for school – that’s a life I can confidently say I don’t regret missing out on. I commend and praise your non-ADHD brain, and your ability to put off all life and surround it with school. I really do. You’re awesome. But you’re not better than everyone who didn’t finish/go to college. (Also…you’re not smarter)

I don’t live alone, I have roommates. 

  • I’ve lived alone 3 times. And I loathe it. I don’t like coming home to an empty house. I currently am in the best living situation I’ve ever been in. I live with 2 dear friends who are married and with a child. They love Jesus, and they’ve taught me so much. A lot of growing has happened here, and I know I’ll never live alone again. “Having my own place” isn’t attractive to me anymore. Yes, I enjoy decorating my own place, hosting people, etc. But, I’d rather be around other humans. I get nights alone a lot of the time, and I house-sit so often that I do get time by myself.

I don’t own a house. 

  • I don’t own a house, and I’m okay with that. There are a lot of reasons I’m okay with that.

 Physically, I am not in shape.

  • Jesus said not to worry. So, when you look at my body, and think “If only she’d….,” remember that the Lord doesn’t need you to worry about my body. I’m sorry it’s a feeling of discomfort for you. I release you from concerning yourself with this. If my dietary habits, workout routines are more concern for you than my spiritual being, I pray you’d realize this is a huge idol. I’m tired of having more conversations with people about how gluten is bad for you than about how Jesus is good for you. Or how sin is bad for you. We are wasting our time, a lot of the time.

We need new eyes. The longer I live, especially as a single person, the more I’m reminded that we aren’t changing. We still look at each other in this un-biblical lens that says, “That’s great you love Jesus, but you need all these other things before I can love/respect you.”  I pray that we’d wake up soon.

If you read these things, I pray you’d be encouraged. I pray that you’d know, even if I just did, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Your life was meant to glorify God. If you’re not considering that one thing in everything you do – that’s what you should examine. God can fix that. That’s easy. But marriage, children, and the American Dream cannot fix that. I pray that upon reading this, you’ll ask your fellow brothers and sisters better questions.  That you’ll recognize your own sin, and be determined to stop believing lies and stop projecting them on others.

How great would it be for non-Christians to look at Jesus’ followers and think, “Wow. Why are they so happy? They have nothing.” 

Discipling The Distracted

I hate telling people I have adult ADHD. In the past, it’s been met with an eye-roll, a laugh, and, “God, everyone is diagnosed with that now.” <- This legit happened a couple of years ago, with very close friends.  Others will laugh and say, “Oh goodness, I’m totally ADD!” Side Note: Doctors no longer diagnose anyone as ADD, as it has been dropped from medical literature. It is still commonly used, though, to refer to ADD/ADHD, which are medically defined as the same thing now. This has been true since the 80s.

Being a Christian, it’s frustrating on so many different levels. On the outside looking in, I’m just lazy, unintelligent, unorganized, and flaky. You wouldn’t think twice about what it feels like to be inside my brain (I’m sure it’s super unorganized up there). And it’s a serious problem. It’s not a joke, a phase, a season, or a discipline issue. It’s also not just a “children’s disorder.” Is this a serious problem that can’t be alleviated, and should just be accepted as-is? I don’t think so. Some doctors even argue that it’s a brain advantage when the symptoms are managed well. If they are, we are basically unstoppable. But it’s incredibly difficult to manage the symptoms without medication. Think of this like getting out of a life-long habit. It takes time, repetition, and from everyone else: GRACE.


I do believe Christians should be more sensitive to discipling people with Adult ADHD.  If the person has never been diagnosed, I do not suggest you go around diagnosing people, and I’m certainly not suggesting that you avoid talking about sin or the person’s past experiences. I firmly believe that past experience can effect SOME (*not* all) symptoms of ADHD.

I’ve made a lot of people close to me, annoyed and sometimes angry. It’s hard to be patient with me. If I ever were to be married, I feel like I’d have to tell my husband when we got serious because it’s been so influential in my life, and not in a good way.

The things that happen to a “normal” person, happen to me at minimum, once a week. It’s easier for me to explain it this way than to list symptoms of ADHD.

  • Misplacing keys? Every day.
  • Locking keys in the car? 2-3 times a month
  • Forgetting your destination while driving? Avg twice a week
  • Going into a store and forgetting why you’re there? Every time I’m at a store, unless I have a list…but I forget to bring my list 95% of the time.
  • Driving away from a drive-thru without your change or beverage? 50% of the time.
  • If a task requires longer than 30 minutes to complete, I mentally check out and will errors will arise because my brain is beginning to focus on other things
  • I start several things at once and rarely, rarely ever finish one
  • I can’t sit in complete silence – my thoughts will become overwhelming and emotional for me (I’ll have so many at once, and they’ll pile up in my mind so high that I stop thinking and just cry for a while)

This is literally just a glimpse. A tiny snapshot. This doesn’t include how adult ADHD effects other things – like work, money management, time management. The only person I show up on time for anything for is my sister, Alex. I don’t know why. Ask any of my other friends or family how often I show up on time.

There is way too much science in regards to our brains and how they work. In regards to adult ADHD, there’s a lot of information, but in the end, the studies only show that medication truly alleviates symptoms – by about 80%! Psycotherapy, nutrition, etc has not had a huge effect, but has had some. Science aside, here are some ways you can disciple someone who has confessed they either have been diagnosed with Adult ADHD, or they believe they should be:

Stray From The, “Have You Tried _____?” Questions

Chances are very high that the adult struggling with this neurological disorder have tried everything. We have tried the planners. The neat filing cabinets. The apps. Oh, the apps. The diet, the exercise…name it…we’ve tried it. Because Adult ADHD isn’t taken very seriously still, there isn’t much knowledge out there about what actually works right now. And right now, all that actually has a huge effect is medication. Does this mean discipleship has no place? Absolutely NOT. Discipleship has helped me alleviate one major symptom of mine – which is my anger/temperament issues.  Because I attend a church that reminds us that there’s a lie behind every sin, I’m able to work through these things with people. Whether they’re in a fight club, or they’re just a friend – I’m able to talk about what’s going on with me. Am I able to go a long streak without any anger issues? I’m not. I know as you’re reading this, you may think, “Well, everyone gets angry.” True, but this is not just “angry.” These are what I call, “mini-rage sessions.” Physically, my body will change. My heart pounds out of my chest, blood rushes to my head, my hands start sweating. Sometimes, I’ll cry because I’m so angry. I clench my teeth, and I can’t stop myself from going over the situation hundreds of times in my head. This happens more often than what’s considered normal. Through discipleship, I was able to ask myself what was triggering these symptoms. What sin was allowing my disorder to take over right now? What lie am I believing in these moments?

So, I firmly believe in asking questions over just giving advice. Only trained professionals in Adult ADHD are able to effectively communicate strategies that can help a person who suffers from it. It’s too tempting to hear, “I have financial issues” to turn around and say, “Gosh, so did I until I sat down for an hour, made this budget, and downloaded the Mint app!”  Instead, you can help the person dig into why their symptoms are taking over them. What’s the bottom of the financial issues? Also keeping in mind that it’s a long road for us to completely change things. We tend to get off track quite quickly, and even thinking about “what’s at the bottom” is incredibly overwhelming. I’d recommend asking more specific questions.

Giving advice right away also continues to break our confidence down. As I’ve said before – we’ve tried everything. Trust that we have. Even if we sit and say, “I’m looking for a way out of this…please tell me what to do” – only advise someone to see assistance from someone who is more educated in this area (or even suggest a really good book on the subject, written by a professional). I wouldn’t be approached by someone wanting to lose weight and then write down a diet and exercise plan. I’d point them to doctors I’d trust and personal trainers.  You’re not passing them off, though. You’re still able to love them! Let’s say you had a cousin who suffered from Adult ADHD. They read a book that completely changed them. Or you have adult ADHD as well, and the only thing that worked for you was medication. Whatever direction you encourage them to go – you can love them along the way. Ask them how the book is coming along. Ask them if they’ve seen a psychiatrist about this condition. If you know they have something important coming up, shoot them a text about it. Don’t forget about them just because you felt “under-qualified.” I’ve pointed my friends to married elders in the church to help them through their marriage and I’m still able to ask them about how it’s going. How their marriage is doing, etc.  I don’t consider myself to be qualified to advise, but God put them in my life to love them. If anyone needs support and love, it’s adults who suffer with this.

Encourage, Encourage, ENCOURAGE

I can’t stress so much how important this is. A lot of adults with ADHD aren’t diagnosed until they are adults. This means, they went years believing they were just stupid, lazy, and a mess of a person. They also probably had people in their lives along the way that encouraged those lies. What adults with ADHD really need are encouragers. We don’t need empty compliments. We need specific things that encourage us. To further explain, let’s make up a story about a boy named Sam.

Sam loves writing screenplays. This is his passion. He also loves playing guitar, painting, and watching Star Wars. His number one love is screenplays, though. He has no idea how he’ll do it, but he wants to be recognized for it. He has other great traits too. He’s a good cook, so whenever his small group serves his neighborhood homeless, he usually is in charge of the food. He’s also hilarious. 

Knowing Sam is incredibly important. If you don’t know Sam, you’re going to encourage him in a way that won’t effect him. “Sam, you’re so funny!” Maybe he is. But he wants you to recognize something that he loves but that he doesn’t feel totally gifted in – YET. Your encouragement towards these specific gifts and passions can go a really long way to helping him pursue his gifts.

My buddy Elias kept complimenting me when we were in New York, shooting stuff for the documentary. I get a great amount of encouragement from people.

“You’re so good at serving!”

“Thanks for being encouraging.”

“You’re an awesome person.”

I’m so thankful for these words, and I frankly don’t deserve them. But none of them felt as good as when Elias was complimenting my work. He kept telling others how talented I was.  He saw my passion, and he complimented what was most important to me. Because of this, I felt “empowered” to be better in all those other areas: serving, encouraging, etc.

We Are Dreamers. Let it be.

Those of us with ADHD have my favorite “symptom” – we’re dreamers. We grab onto ideas, we tell the world, and we rarely follow through with them. I know – there’s entrepreneurs out there who are “dreamers.” The difference between us and them, is they (majority) don’t have a disorder that completely diminishes their ability to follow through with these dreams.

The dreaming “symptom” is not a favorite for everyone. It sets us up for disappointment. How can you disciple someone who’s a dreamer?

It’s hard to not want to say, “Whoa…easy there tiger!” when someone with ADHD comes out and tells you their new plan (dream). What we don’t need is a “shut it down” remark. We need to be reminded, though, that we are already playing a huge part in God’s plan for the world. Sounds cheesy, I know.  But it’s a lie for us to believe that we have to do all these things to feel fulfilled. We are excited about all of our dreams and plans. We are passionate about them. Perhaps we even hold the skills to accomplish them. But we need to be encouraged to pursue what God’s given us now and encouraged to ear-mark the other plans.

“That’s an awesome idea! Would you say that God has given you the resources you need for that now, or has he equipped you now for something else? I’m personally excited about what you’re working on now!”

No need to shut anything down. No need to express your “opinions” about plans we may or may not follow through with. Remind us that He’s doing something awesome with us now.

Last Words

Like I said many times, I’ll say over and over again. Adult ADHD is real. When someone has it, and they aren’t diagnosed, it can leave the person feeling pretty worthless. Don’t diagnose people, don’t dismiss people. Encourage them to see a professional, read a book by a professional, and encourage them in their current life. They need to hear it.



Friend-Zoning and Courting – Info for Single Ladies


I like to think of myself as a “pro” at being friend-zoned by guys. A lot of women my age would feel insulted by this, but if you know me well enough, then you know I don’t actually think a lot about those kind of things.

So here’s the deal. Like any of my posts, it will either be one I’ll regret 10 years from now, or it will help someone out. None of what I’m saying is so concrete that it should be over-thought and picked apart. Take things from it that you think you need help with. I should also mention that if you’re married/dating and you’re reading this, stray from thoughts like, “This is BS, I totally pursued my man!” Good for you! I’d like to point you back to the “Bold” sentence in this paragraph. Also keep in mind that I’m not a guy! This is knowledge taken only from personal experience. Nothing more. I’ve been pursued and I’ve been friend-zoned enough to write a blog post. Not a book. Just a post. And I need to talk about girls pursuing guys and when you should know when you’re friend-zoned.

He’s Just a Nice Guy

So many times girls disappoint themselves when they meet a guy who’s just a really nice guy, but they mistake it for flirting. Nice, social guys are just good at chatting it up. I have male friends who are caring and generous. I have male friends who, when they speak to me, listen to every word I’m saying and ask me questions about me/my life. I have male friends who are “touchers” – they love hugging, they’re just touchy people. I have male friends who laugh at everything I say. So, how do I not fall in love with these guys? How are they just friends? It’s simple. I know them. Here’s the mistake the ladies are making. They’ll have one or two conversations with a “really nice guy” who’s one or all of the above things I mentioned and will assume they’re being pursued. What I recommend is getting to know the guy before you make this assumption. Is he completely different with his other female friends? Does he have plenty of female friends? Those guys tend to just be good at communicating with women. Have you ever seen him pursue a girl before? If so, was it the same way?

The Green Light: Difference Between Flirting and Pursuing

Guys somehow naturally know how to pursue a woman they’re interested in. They are much less likely to over think things beforehand and weigh out stuff and put pressure on anything before they pursue. Because, though, of the culture in Christianity that sets the marriage bar high above everything – Christian men aren’t the best at pursuing women. I’ve noticed so many try to read a hundred books about dating, go to all the conferences, and try to be educated in the subject, but they never pursue anyone. I can say confidently though, that guys are still generally aware of how to pursue a woman. They just need a green light. I’m not “old fashioned” in saying that women shouldn’t pursue men. I’m realistic in that belief because most women who want a romantic man who is a go-getter/leader end up complaining later because the man they pursued isn’t those things. Girls who pursue guys tend to be in a relationship where she’s constantly having to lead in situations she shouldn’t have to. First, she’ll pursue by asking him for his number. Then she’ll pursue by always texting him first and last. Then, when she’s finally “won” him, and he’s flirting and seems to be into her, she still has to be the first one to say, “So, where’s this going?” Don’t set yourself up and don’t waste your time. Don’t convince yourself something has to happen because all the good guys out there are rare.

Here are some ways you can give guys the green light:

  • Laugh at all his jokes
  • Look interested when he asks for your number – don’t get awkward. He’ll translate it as “I’m not interested, but I guess I’ll be nice.”
  • Flirt back when he flirts with you

Here’s what NOT to do (because it’s you pursing him at this point):

  • Ask him for his number/Give him your number without him asking
  • “Jokingly” tell him to ask for your number
  • Text/Message/Contact first and continue to do so
  • Invite him to “date-like” events (weddings, couples events, etc)
  • Invite him to anything when he has never invited you to anything (exceptions are large events, such as music festivals, and events that you’re certain he’s interested in) – This “rule” applies to things like a drink, dinner, and other things guys would ask you to if he wants to pursue you.

Know Your League

A mistake so many Christian women make is not understanding their “league.” This sounds insulting and demeaning, quite frankly, but it’s human nature. Look at the guys you’ve dated in the past. Are they Tim Tebows or Seth Rogans? This is where you can gauge what league you’re in. Both guys are great for their own reasons, but they are definitely different leagues. Again, if anything is flexible, it’s this area. However, so many Christian women are passing up great guys because they want the guy in that other league. Women will look at their friends and think, “Wait, how did she land a super hot, funny, awesome guy like that?” without realizing that girl is different and that girls look at girls in different ways than guys. What we think guys are into isn’t always true. Want to change leagues? Sometimes this is possible, sometimes it’s not. And it always takes a LOT of “work.” And if you’re going to change yourself as a person, it should be because you want to glorify God. Not because you want to snag a man. Because once you get your Tim Tebow, your new idol will be how to get him to ______________ (have kids with you, get a better job, be a different person).

You Make It To The Friend Zone

Ways to tell you can move on because you’ve been friend-zoned:

  • He always calls you: Dude, kid, buddy, bro; Side not: Friend-zone or not – I HATE when guys refer to me as any of those things. I personally find it insulting. I’m not a bro, I’m a woman. Just because I can laugh at the same things and we’re friends, doesn’t mean I’m a dude or a bro. So if you’re a guy reading this…stop.
  • He makes comments about other girls in front of you
  • He doesn’t ask you to hang out alone, and when he does, he never flirts
  • He’s short in his responses to you

The 3 Guys You Need To Stay Away From

Guy #1: Temporary Marriage Friend

Some guys need a temporary wife and they tend to use girls to fill this void. This situation sucks because he’s always nice, he even flirts when he feels like it, but then a conversation happens where you realize he isn’t actually into you. Maybe you asked him about it, or maybe someone else did. Stay away from this guy. He can find a temporary wife with someone else – don’t convince yourself it’s okay to be used this way. It’s not. It’s emotionally draining and will end in heartache.

Guy #2: Booty Call Friend

I don’t think this needs explaining, but this one is difficult. There are guys out there who know exactly what to say to a girl to make her lack any sort of judgement. Or, they’re the guys who will blatantly send unsolicited (or solicited?) photos of their male parts. Either way, stay away. Don’t tempt yourself. And don’t convince yourself that his physical pursuit of you is anything more.

Guy #3: Perfect Friend

This is the guy that’s either married, dating, or is single…but he’s perfect. He’s gorgeous, and you know that in another life you two could totally hit it off. Well, you’re not in another life. You’re in a life happening right now and if there’s a man who is not interested in you or is taken and he “seems perfect” – it’s best that you stay away. Don’t express these things – especially if he’s married (because its pointless unless it’s causing you to sin…in that case you can talk to a discipleship group). Don’t give into temptations to be closer to him.

In the end, I hope you understand that you don’t have obsess over one particular guy. The awesome thing about being single is that there are options. There are possibilities. If you’re finding that you’re having so much trouble meeting guys, this can be changed to an extent. But don’t look at the ONE single guy at your church that you MIGHT be interested in and hold onto some imaginary hope that you two will hit it off and be married. My biggest piece of advice would be this: Stop over thinking. In the end of all of this, the only thing that matters is NOT romantically-lazy guys or lack of christian singles….the only thing that matters is that God put you in your city to glorify Him. Not yourself. He knew that the city He put you in was the perfect city for that time. His big-picture plans are something you’re important enough to be apart of. That’s incredibly beautiful and you should feel honored just knowing that. He pursued you, remember?

NOAH. Read.

If you loved the Bible miniseries on the History channel, or movies like Fireproof, don’t see this film.
If you go into films that are based off books and walk away upset that the director didn’t satisfy what your imagination gave you, do NOT see this movie.
If you dont like speculating about what ISNT in the bible, and don’t like people to speculate or imagine, don’t see this movie.

‘Noah’ was ‘Transformers’ meets Genesis meets my imagination about God’s supernatural abilities.

I speculate all the time. Some things aren’t confirmed or denied in the bible. I believe some things still (things that I don’t believe contradict what we DO know about God’s character). I believe animals we loved on earth will roam in heaven. I believe animals had the ability to speak before the flood (or just before the fall). I believe that Earth is not the only planet with “life.” Human life, yes. Other life,  no. What I am saying is that scripture shows us what we are to know. It does not mean it’s ALL there IS to know about God. If that’s true, then we are fools. But we know it’s not true. It’s all we NEED to know. The rest – is speculation.

What’s most annoying for me to hear is when someone says that directors are obligated to make a film a certain way. They’re “obligated” to follow a book perfectly. “Obligated” to cast characters a certain way. If you have a dictator attitude about film, you should probably stop watching movies.

You are allowed to hate movies. You’re allowed to not like actors. You’re allowed to walk into films with insane mindsets about how someone should make a film. Do realize that directors aren’t “obligated” to satisfy you. But as Christians, I am truly tired of the judgment that comes before a film is seen or a book is read. Well known pastors, who will share The Bible series with ALL of their friends, bashed the Noah movie. The Bible had awful acting, the characters looked to be Mumford and Sons band members, and of course the Son of God film portrays Jesus as a super model white man. But that’s ok. It’s okay for Christians to produce work that will only be attractive to Christians. But it’s not okay for a non Christian to use his imagination and speculate about how things may have gone down thousands of years ago. To make a movie he made with the only intention for you to be entertained….not to show a film at Church. Yikes, you guys.

Ask yourselves as Christians, why your standards are the way they are. We had an opportunity to see a movie and show some love and grace on an unbelieving filmmaker. But we publicly shamed him.

Anyway I loved it. Epic. Adventerous. Sad. His vision scenes were my favorite. Adam and Eve looked ridiculous/hilarious. Opening scene was cheese ball. The father/sons tension was good. Interesting spin on the pro-creation. LOVED THE GIANTS. and MAD PROPS to Darren for actually highlighting that humans used to be vegan before the flood!!! That’s in the bible too,  yall.

My Favorite Videos

I have struggled with a lot of things that I think a lot of people have. I’ve been at a point where the only reason I wouldn’t end my life is because my mom, my family, and non-Christians I’m close too. I don’t want to make God look bad. I’ve struggled with body image issues (which is actually struggling with idolatry in many forms). I am not good at dealing with some things. I’m not good at dealing with death. Even death of an animal. I cannot take it. It’s too hard. So, I certainly can’t take it when I know someone who lost a child, or if someone loses a friend at any age. It’s just so hard. I find myself frequently begging God to come back. I find myself weeping to him, with nothing more to say, than “God, just please come back.” I don’t know why He doesn’t already. I don’t want to think of things being worse than they are.

I also don’t want to dwell on the awful stuff. I don’t want to only focus on the bad. If I do, then I’ll rarely praise Him for the good. And God doesn’t get enough praise.

God has used film in my life to remind me that He’s still perfect. Some film that has reminded me of His beauty and mission are here:

“The Mountain” by TSO Photography

This video is a huge reminder of God’s beauty. A huge reminder that Heaven would actually be better than this. And that despite the bad stuff, God still gives us beautiful things. I love this time-lapse. Beautiful shots, wonderful music.

“Most” from Eastwood Films

A short film (which is apparently based off a true story, but can’t be confirmed) about a father’s choice to sacrifice his son. I watch this, because it makes the story of God’s decision more real. I can grow up hearing, “God sent his son for you,” but if I never have kids, or if I never would have to make that choice, I just have no way of imagining what that’s like. This film does a great job of telling that story, but making it very real for it’s audience. It’s also done very well. Good actors, script, and direction. I appreciated that this wasn’t a cheese-ball Christian film.

“Follow” from Elevation Church

One of the best-shot baptisms (if not the absolute best) I’ve ever seen. Edited extremely well. It’s just showing a church being baptized, but because of the way it was shot/edited, you’re able to truly experience the beauty in baptism. Some could argue that they’re using film to “draw” out emotions. If that’s what they’re doing, then they’re doing their job! Film should do real experiences JUSTICE. Film should show you life, and show it in the way it DESERVES to be shown. That’s what I love about this.

I love film, but I love God more. I love that there are filmmakers that are willing to show what He has already given us (the galaxy, mountains, baptism) in such a way that moves us. That’s how film should be used. That’s how I want to use my skill and my passion. Just to do what He’s already given us some justice.  I want to praise Him through films that depict those things – redemption, grace, beauty.

3 Reasons I’ll Go See Noah

The Director is Awesome

He did Requiem For A Dream. That’s reason enough for anyone that’s my age or a hipster to go see this. He did Black Swan – despite being weird, it won awards and was filmed quite well. He did The Wrestler. This movie was wonderful on so many levels! The director knows his stuff, and directors who know their stuff should be the ones making films about biblical stories.  He obtained what seems to be a great cast, and that’s always a huge plus.

I Love Epic Bible Stories

I want to make a film or TV series (only 3-4 episodes, 1 season) about the Book of Revelation. I love epic, dramatic stories in the bible. God also made sure the dudes who wrote the stories down were good at writing, too. If you don’t believe me, read anything from Revelation in King James Version. Beautiful and totally meant to be made into film. So, when I first saw the Noah trailer, I was excited. I know the story. And I also know that movies are never (or very rarely) accurate. For a few reasons…1. Some things can’t be told on screen. 2. Lots of things can’t be compared to your imagination. 3. You’re still creating a film that has to be attractive to an audience. If a die-hard Christian was creating the film, then yeah, maybe they would have tried to tell it exactly how it’s told in the books…but you don’t need to be a film nerd to know that we [Christian filmmakers] aren’t exactly perfecting our craft.

Between the story of Moses in a KJV bible and the movie, The Ten Commandments, guess which one grabbed the attention of a kid with ADHD? I didn’t grow up in the church or learning about the bible. What I knew was from film, and The Ten Commandments quickly became a favorite. I’ve loved that movie since I was a kid. It impacted a non-Christian kid and planted a seed…THAT is what film should do. When you have a CRAZY story like the flood that wiped out mankind, you have to do it well.

I’m hoping this film finally does this story justice. I’m hoping people can walk away and see that God did 2 things: 1. He keeps His promises. and 2. He can totally communicate with animals (and animals are awesome!!)

So Parents Can Quit The Noah’s Ark Baby Themes

I mean, seriously. I hope every parent will watch this and be able to see Noah’s Ark wrapping paper, Noah’s Ark mobiles, and think “that’s disturbing.” It is disturbing. The story is incredible. God is incredible. But the massive wipe-out of mankind is intense and CRAZY.  What happens  when your kids inquire about the theme? “God gathered up allllll the animals and Noah and his family to protect them from a flood.” Are you just gonna leave out all the other stuff? It should be an intense story of new beginnings and God’s faithfulness.

There are things I’m sure I won’t like about the film. But overall, you can’t get me to hate a film that depicts an epic biblical story in an epic manner.  When I was little, I remember watching some SUPER old, low budget, local film about Christ’s death. It showed Christ on the cross with a few little drops of blood, looking sad. I asked my grandma what was happening, and I remember how upset she was that the film wasn’t depicting what actually happened. I will never forget her telling me that what actually happened didn’t compare to what we were looking at. She was genuinely mad.  Does that make her a blood-thirsty, gore-desiring woman? Nope. My grandma is simple. She just didn’t want us to dumb down his death. She still, to this day, has not seen Passion. When I asked her about it, she said, “I don’t want to see it because I know that’s exactly what He went through.” She didn’t see the film, but still appreciates that someone is telling the truth.

We can write pages about how important it is to be accurate in biblical stories, but we also should contemplate the fact that we don’t know exactly why directors choose to go the route they do. In the end, it’s a movie. It’s not scripture. It’s not the Truth. It’s the equivalent of us writing our own book/commentary or telling our friend stories. It’s just the middle man. And any film that gets ANY ONE to pick up a bible and read the actual truth….I think it’s fulfilled it’s purpose.

Online Dating Is A Terrible Idea…Here’s Why

I’m no stranger to “meeting people online.” About 10 years ago, I had joined the official message board for the band Thursday. I ended up meeting a few of those people and some became my best friends and actually changed my life. At that time, it was still super weird to talk about meeting people online. So we never told anyone else how we met. If people said, “How do you know ____?” we’d respond with, “Mutual friends.” It was always and still feels embarrassing.


Internet dating, however…that’s another ballpark. This year, on Valentine’s day, I was hanging with my sister, her roommate Matt, and our friend Kelly. We started talking about online dating somehow, and my sister says, “I’ve always wanted to know who I’d be matched up with.” Kelly was an experienced online dater, so we were getting her thoughts. We came to the conclusion that not everyone online is a creeper, weirdo, or socially unacceptable human. We were informed that there are normal, and yes…even good-looking guys on there. We were still all curious and we all decided I would be a guinea pig to find out who I’d get matched up with.  My sister couldn’t set up a profile because she’s in a relationship. Kelly already had one. And Matt was like, “Nope.” So, I, after 2 glasses of champagne, I exclaimed, “I’ll totally do it. Y’all have to help me set it up though.”

The site asked me a bunch of questions, which I assume is typical of all the dating sites.

“What religion are you? How important is it? Dogs or Cats? Body Type?”

After answering the basic questions, you also have a slew of other questions that helps their system choose closer matches. I tried answering as many as possible, with help from the group (and more champagne). Most of these questions were particularly immature. They were “would you rather”-style questions that reminded me of an adolescent conversation between girls who were talking about what they want in a guy.

After I answered what felt like a million questions (but was actually like 20), we went through the “possible matches.” The first thing out of Kelly’s mouth was, “Hmmm they matched you with a whole lot of douches.” It was true.

I went through their profiles, and was concerned. If I saw something that turned me off (They hate dogs or said they only like club music), then it would be so easy for me to just move on. This method of dating doesn’t give people a fair chance. It also made me feel bad about myself when I’d see that someone “Liked” my profile but their page said, “uneducated girls are a deal-breaker.” I graduated high school, but I dropped out of college.

So, the problem is: It allows people to stay stagnant in their preferences and prevents people from changing their dating habits.

My assumption is that most people who set up a profile online either LOVE casual dating or they have trouble finding dates for whatever reason. Instead of working on the reasons, they’re allowed to filter through hundreds of people and pick someone out like something on a menu. And if there’s even one thing that person doesn’t like, instead of someone saying, “This person is worth looking past these things” they’re allowed to just block you, or ignore you. Instead of examining our dating life and becoming better people, we sort of just stick to our old ways.

“Ugh, he’s a Conservative. Nope.”

“He has a goatee? Is this for real?”

“He has the douchiest taste in music I’ve ever seen.”

I’ve said before that preferences are okay, as long as they aren’t things we worship. Online, we don’t have a chance to examine these things. Another problem with online dating, is it only encourages discontentment and idolatry. Anyone who knows me or reads this blog, knows I’m all for embracing the path God has you on and that both singleness and marriage are equally glorifying.  Once I signed up, though, I noticed that everyone who liked my profile was satisfying a desire to be loved and admired (which is hard to get when you’re single). It’s like posting a selfie on Instagram, and relying on the Likes you get. It provides a false sense of love. It’s false because it’s very temporary for the other party. It’s also false because it’s an empty compliment. It’s the equivalent to a stranger smiling at you in line at Starbucks, but it sparks an emotion that’s as deep as someone giving us a very gratifying compliment in person. This method of judging people based on 3-7 photos, is more physically demeaning than checking me out at a bar. If I look better or worse in a photo, you can ignore me or you can message me/ask me out under false pretenses (that I’m not as attractive as you thought).  The attraction starts with a photograph that’s controlled by lighting and angles. It’s so weird.

When I get “hit on” in person,  it’s normally at bars when I’m with other girls. It usually starts with the basic questions, “Are you from here? How long have you lived here?” and leads to the statements that are used to let me know that he’s flirting with me: “Do you have a boyfriend? No?! That’s crazy.” Then, he asks for my phone number. This, to me, is better. There aren’t any questions, and even if it’s awkward/miserable, it’s still normal.  He may or may not have found out I’m a Christian just yet, but he will eventually. I may or may not have found out he is obsessed with Baseball (a sport I loathe), but I will eventually. But I didn’t have to just give him the brush off. We didn’t need to exchange postcards with our traits. No one had to close us off based on one meaningless fact about ourselves. And, we were given the chance to say, “Hmm well he may have a child, but he’s a great father…” When we were going through my matches, I saw statements like, “If you are overweight, don’t message me. I take care of my body and only want someone who takes care of theirs.” and “Having perfect teeth is a huge plus for me.” I can’t make this stuff up. While those preferences aren’t bad – they probably won’t ever realize that searching for this perfect image they have in their head is going to be impossible. They’ll just continue to only message the ones who fit their preferences. Meanwhile, in the real world, new people are going to church, people are at bars, people are studying at coffee shops…regularly. We have chances, but we are sort of refusing to work on our social skills. If dating has become somewhat shallow, non-existent, or just slim for you….try to actually change that. Maybe you are a crazy introvert. It’s not fair to someone who isn’t attracted to intense introverts to be fooled into thinking you’re an extrovert because you were able to “be yourself” online, behind a computer. Instead, examine why that’s an issue. Why is it hard to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you fear rejection? Would being with other friends make it easier? Get a wingman! And your acceptance in Christ is more important than your rejection from man (or woman). I respect the guys who don’t put all this stake in rejection and will just come up to you. Or, the introverts that travel in packs and come up to me and my girls. If that makes it easier for them, so be it. Or, if your problem is that you’re crazy shallow…good luck with that. You’re going to be super gross one day when you’re old, and you’re not getting younger. Just a heads up.

Meeting someone in person is more organic. It feels like it’s the way it’s supposed to be. Filtering through people online feels like shopping, which is unfair. We aren’t objects. And posting our desires, needs, and preferences for everyone to see, says, “I’m not willing to adjust things. Take it or leave it.”